Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Superheroes are among us all. They are the same people you went to high school with.

Rolling Stone recently did an article which chronicled the lives of several real life superheroes.

Although Master Legend was one of the first to call himself a Real Life Superhero, in recent years a growing network of similarly homespun caped crusaders has emerged across the country. Most Real Life Superheroes are listed on the World Superhero Registry, a recently assembled online roster.

The Justice Force is Master Legend's own crime-fighting syndicate, a rotating cast of ad hoc superheroes that seems to include everyone he knows. There's the Disabler, Genius Jim, the Black Panther and a duo named Fire and Brimstone. The Ace lives with Master Legend at the team's secret hide-out, a dilapidated clapboard house in a seedy neighborhood outside Orlando.

"This whole movement is more than just fat guys in spandex," insists Superhero, himself a brawny guy in head-to-toe spandex.

A quality read to be sure.

Joaquin Phoenix can save you money when you book with Travelocity.

Roaming gnome...I know that look. That look says, "Stay the hell away from my cardboard box and shopping cart." With his recent retirement from acting, let us hope someone is taking care of his finances. Someone, that is, unlike Dane Cook's brother.

[This is the reason why Mr. T said, "stay in milk, don't do school and drink your drugs]

Your welcome distraction 12/31

Christmas is gone, but happy new year! With a bonus.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Palin's daughter gives birth. Names son Tripp.

"Bristol" named him
Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston.
Sadly, Tripp is going to have to be a grandpa before the illustrious III can be added.

Boy scout earns all 121 badges. Talking to persons of the opposite sex sadly not one of them.

Long Island, NY
A Long Island teenager has earned all 121 merit badges offered by the Boy Scouts of America. It's an accomplishment the local arm of the organization calls "an almost unheard-of feat." Oceanside resident Shawn Goldsmith earned his final badge — for bugling — in time for his 18th birthday in November. He far surpassed the 21 badges required to achieve the elite rank of Eagle Scout.
He said he took about five years to earn his first 62 badges and then nearly doubled that number in a matter of months. He did it with the encouragement of his grandmother, who died shortly before he reached his goal.

There are times I look back on college and high school and have a pure Uncle Rico moment. If only I could go back. My torture is nothing in comparison to what this kid does to himself later in life or next year.

[feel free to resent the folks later]

Tattoo Toosday - 12/30

From our Inmate collection - Juan is sporting a darling font with whimsical lettering and a message that screams: "I was abused as a child and had no real father figure besides the street vatos who sodimized me for chuckles with junk they found behind the quickie mart."

Man robs bank with his pay stub, fails to see the irony or problem. Also fails to get away with it.

The robber's threatening note made a Chicago bank job easy to solve: The FBI says the suspect wrote it on his pay stub. An FBI affidavit said the man walked into a Fifth Third Bank on Friday and handed a teller a note that read "Be Quick Be Quit (sic). Give your cash or I'll shoot."
The robber got about $400 but left half of his note. Investigators found the other half outside the bank's front doors. Authorities say that part of the man's October pay stub had his name and address.

The suspect was arrested at his Cary home. A judge ordered him held without bond Monday. If convicted of bank robbery, he faces 20 years in prison.

If convicted? Anyone else puzzled how this criminal mastermind could have written out such a terrible note? There is one way to do a bank job and make people proud of your bank-robbing prowess. Go Eazy or go home:

This is a stick-up, everybody get face-down
Ren, gag their mouths so they can't make a sound
Tie em up for the fact that I'm kickin ass
I got my hand on my gat, and I'm tempted to blast
My name is Eazy, but I go the hard way out
This ain't personal, but now I'm about
to commit a crime and go thru with it
You know what, no need for shakin, because I'm used to it
Take out the security guard with a slap of my hand
Yeah, he's wearin' a badge, but he's a ol ass man
Pump his ass in the head, and take his gun so me and the punk can go one on one
Cover the lens on the TV screen
you know, so me and my gang just can't be seen.

This is how you do it folks. Admittedly, it does help if you have an MC Ren.

Lincoln was shot in Ford's Theater and JFK was shot in a Lincoln made by Ford (or was) GASP!!!!!!!

Philly (shocking)

Merry xmas from the city that hates you and Santa.

A South Philadelphia man enraged because a father and son were talking during a Christmas showing of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button took care of the situation when he pulled a .380-caliber gun and shot the father, police said.

After exchanging words, Vanore said Cialella allegedly got out of his seat to confront the family when the father got up to protect them. That's when the victim was shot once in the left arm, sending others in the theatre running to safety.
Cialella then sat down to watch the movie. Police arrived a short time later and arrested Cialella and confiscated his weapon, Vanore said.

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin fled to a warehouse. JFK was shot from a warehouse and his assassin fled to a theater. James Joseph Cialella Jr, shot his victim in a theater and then sat down to enjoy the rest of the show.

Caption Contest

There is so much going on.

Monday, December 29, 2008

The people have spoken. Years have not tarnished the good judgment of some.

For my money, I think I would have preferred Mean Gene Okerlund in Minnesota and maybe anybody in California. To The Body's credit, he didn't seek a second term.
Minnesota apparently thought that The Body was fine for Governor but that Al Franken wasn't fit for the Senate.

It happens. It just never happened before in the history of professional football is all.



I mean...they do have players that were drafted and get payed. This isn't like Montogomery Brewster's minor league team playing the Yankees. I hope they draft Tim Tebow to be their QB of the future. There are just some things that you embrace in sports. Cubs curse. Soccer's failure to become mainstream in US of A. Detroit hardly acknowledging presence of a football team or financial ruin in biggest industry.

Mustachio Monday

If you dont have New Years Eve plans, perhaps I may be of some service? He has had this man-growth for a long time (like weeks) and it shows.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Your welcome distraction 12/25

Hillary Fisher wishes you a merry xmas. If you arent sure who she is, then we will better introduce you in future "welcome distraction" segments.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Santa is on his way

Hoping that your holiday wishes come true.

Yanks owner, Dr. Evil, approves 3 player acquisition for one million trillion dollars

The New York Yankees swooped in Tuesday and hooked prized free agent Mark Teixeira, reaching agreement with the first baseman on an eight-year contract worth $180 million, three sources involved in the negotiations said.
Teixeira's salary gives the Yankees, who are preparing to move into their $1.3 billion new ballpark in April, the four highest-paid players in Major League Baseball: himself, Sabathia, third baseman Alex Rodriguez (10 years, $275 million) and shortstop Derek Jeter (10 years, $189 million).

With their new deal, the Yankees have unloaded $423.5 million on three new players. Last Thursday the Yankees completed agreements with two prized pitchers, giving CC Sabathia a $161 million, seven-year contract and A.J. Burnett an $82.5 million, five-year deal.
Now, go ask the Yankees how they paid for the new stadium.

Was it the hands or chin that gave it away? Oh, it was the penis.

At the recent RE/MAX World Long Drive Championship here at Mesquite Regional Park, the year grew even stranger.
The new women's world champion in the event is a 55-year-old bartender who used to be a man.
Although golf is a sport largely without controversy, the reign of long-drive queen Lana Lawless, who lives in Palm Springs, Calif., is expected to be neither tranquil nor uneventful.

For starters, there is her startling honesty. "This is who I am. This is my life," she said firmly. "That other person, that 245-pound SWAT cop I used to be, he's gone. He's not coming back."
Lawless mostly was a curiosity until the night of Oct. 22, when she upset the competitor widely acclaimed as the longest hitter in women's golf — 21-year-old Phillis Meti of Auckland, New Zealand.

Added former women's world champion Lee Brandon: "In 2005, the USGA approved transgender involvement in competition, so I don't see how we can dispute this. However, if a woman has the knees, hands and feet of a man, she has genetic real estate that is more gifted."

She certainly has the hands of a man. I have no desire to see his/her feet.

Sweet outfit. With hair like that, we expect the "Women's" Pro Bowling Tour Championship to succomb to Lana's iron grip next.

Caption Contest

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Because fitting in your back pocket is a good thing

Still stumped on what to get that 'special' someone for the holidays. Now you can fit your camo bible in one back pocket and an assault rifle in the other. *We dont recommend trying this. It can give wicked sciatica

I confess that if this made the "transformer" noise while going from flashlight to gun like optimus prime, I would probably buy it. I wish I could describe the sound.

Tattoo Toosday - 12/23

Remember, this guy is innocent until proven guilty - even though the confession is tattooed across his forehead.

Stumped on what to get Crazy Christian Chums?

It is one thing to be a 'believer.' Quite another when your believer status blurs lines of sense and good taste. For those lacking in good taste, consider these holiday gifts.

For the bloodthirsty Christian that is a diehard MMA follower:

For the bloodthirsty Christian that hunts but can't afford to give away his position:

Is it me or are NFL refs always "getting the business"

It is clearly just me

NFL refs are fed up with being bruised, bloodied and run over. Garth DiFelice puts the league on notice that if you come across the middle, he is going to jack you. Garth here decides to introduce Kenneth Darby to his best pal, Tim O'leary (Jack Johnson was waiting).

Alpha Chi's is time to bring the hate!

I just wanted to make it snow like dad? creepy line. The best part...this probably happened last night. Welcome to nobody ever knowing about this.

I like how the friend taping this is so supportive in her laughter. I am sure Alpha Chi will forgive and forget. I am pretty sure they have a song about it or something.

Obama, shirtless and unprotected from the sun and others

Here is the president elect relaxing in some Hawaiian resort. He looks trim, relaxed and totally unaware that there are photographers lurking. This makes even me a little uneasy.

All I want for xmas is a new AK

Orange County
An alleged gang member has landed himself in jail for flashing gang signs in a photo he took while sitting on Santa's lap.
Uriel Oliva, 18, was arrested early last week after a visit with Santa at the Village Mall in Orange.
Police say that Oliva was under a court order not to associate with members of his street gang, engage in gang activity or hang out at the Village Mall when the photo was taken Dec. 16.

[Jersey gives it a try and fails miserably]

Monday, December 22, 2008

Don't let your friends catch you on either

null - Watch more free videos
It does beg the question: "how does one with a panniculus that size board such a craft?"

The Intersection of Blagojevich and Twitter

Read the scroll:

Upon Further Review: Halloween 2008

Courtesy Wonkette:

Is it me, or do the hands look eerily similar to Michael Jackson's. What have Michael and Bubbles been up to [ZING!!!] *It's early and it's Monday.

"I think they're turning into us, I think they're turning into us...I really think so"

Nagoya, Japan
Toyota Motor Corp. projected its first-ever operating loss since it began such reports, acknowledging Monday that its nine-year stretch of global vehicle-sales growth had stalled.
Crashing auto demand, especially in its key U.S. market, and the profit erosion from a surging yen proved too much for Japan's top automaker, which had been booming on the success of its fuel-efficient models, including the Camry sedan and Prius gas-electric hybrid.

Perhaps Turning Japanese is no longer profitable.

Mustachio Monday

because "it's a sledgehammer" jokes never get old.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Feel free to let your imagination get the better of you

72 Gold Medals finally explained. Phelps is Sylar.

Perhaps Sylar has stolen another power we haven't discover yet. The ability to look special needs and swim extremely fast.


Saturday, December 20, 2008


So, this isn't a horse-collar...but it sure seems dangerous.

Where have all the thumbs gone?

We just don't see them enough. They are awkward and wonderful. The older and less American, the better.