Getting Started - 12/03/08

• Roman Polanski finished molesting every child in France. It took him 30 years, but he's finally ready to come back to the U.S. One problem, that silly molestation charge is still pending in California. What's a pedophile-film director to do? Why, you have your buddy make a movie accusing the now-dead judge of impropriety - that's what. And if that doesn't work, you move to Greece. (NY Times).
  

• Former Playboy Bunny, Vanessa Carbone (if that IS your real name), has staged a naked protest against Japanese Whaling . . . in Santiago, Chili. Since when were Bunnies against Japanese whaling? Have you been to Vegas lately? But setting aside Bunny logic, wouldn't a protest about Japanese whaling be more effective in . . . oh, I don't know . . . JAPAN?!? Really, I don't care why she's getting naked - saving whales, killing whales - whatever, as long as we get naked pictures.(PlanetSave).
  

• The Patrick Swayze Death Watch is heating up. Swayze is apparently angry at tabloid reports that he doesn't have long to live, and responded (through a statement), affirming that he is winning the fight against the disease and responding well to treatment. Nothing says healthy like responding through a statement. He's no Chuck Norris. Place your bets now folks . . . (Brietbart).

• Arrrgh!!! Has piracy officially jumped the shark? Blackwater is now offering private security to protect ships. But if you thought commercialism was too strong for the pirates, think again. Three days after offering its services, a Blackwater crew was forced to abandon ship when pirates boarded the vessel they were protecting. Can I get some odds on Pirates v. Blackwater? (Salon).
  

• The NFL suspended six players after they tested positive for diuretics, which can mask the presence of steroids. And to set an example, the league will only allow the players to return . . . if their teams make the playoffs. Wouldn't want to impose any real penalty, right league?? In other news, Plaxico's clumsy gun play at Applebees, (or was it the Latin Quarter - I forget), will cost him the rest of the season. (NY Times).