Getting Started - 12/01/08

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  Lois Feldman, 38, was so drunk at the Iowa-Minnesota football game that she left her husband for stranger-sex in the men's room. She was later cited for indecent exposure, and now claims that someone drugged her. Why? Because, "I would never ever do that . . . I go to church every Sunday." And catholic priests would never molest children for the same reason. Something tells me this wasn't the first rodeo in the men's room for Feldman. (Daily Times Herald).

UPDATE: we shockingly have pictures of the saint. By the way, Lois Feldman...really? That's your name? "Lois Feldman" sounds like the name you give a cop when you're ratting out who gave you the joint. That, or "Daniel Hines." Feldman, a married mother of three, has been the target of Internet jokes and prank telephone calls today. She was fired this morning from an assisted living center, where she had been an administrator. “I don’t know what happened,” Lois Feldman said. “But I don’t deny that it did happen because obviously there are police reports.”“I don’t know who this man is,” she said today. “I just found out his name in the paper last night.” (DesMoines Register )Here is betting that the man she was banging in the stall isn't a member of her church.

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  The pirates' plunder off the coast of East Africa continues. Arrrgh!! The latest target - a British cruise ship. At what point does blame shift from the pirates to the captains? Pirates will be pirates, they attack boats like Amy Winehouse attacks a table littered with blow and booze, which makes the captains the poor dolt who keeps inviting her over. (Sky News).

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  Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg over the weekend while inside a Manhattan club. Not the way to increase your street cred, Plexiglass. Adding insult to injury, Plaxico is now being charged with criminal possession of a firearm, and for being a monumental dumbass. (MSNBC).

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  The clemency carnival continues!!! The latest recipient . . . rapper John Forte. You remember Forte for his work with the Fugees, but the Feds know him for smuggling $1.4 million in liquid cocaine through the Newark Airport. But thanks to lobbying from Orrin Hatch and Carly Simon (who knew?), Forte can "blow" a kiss to the last 7 years of his sentence. Forte is reportedly happy to be out, and spent the weekend clubbing in Manhattan with his friend Plaxico Burress. (Really?) (The Guardian)