Getting Started - 11/25/08

• A UK woman received a suspended sentence after she "accidently" flushed her newborn down the toilet. She thought it was diarrhea until she "saw a foot in the toliet." And then she did what any normal person would do - she stuffed the "evidence" in her trunk. (Breitbart).

• Obie Gene Felton of Falls Church, VA, come on down! You just won the lame duck pardon and commutation lottery! Feel free to to give a big middle finger to all the people who put you away for . . . what was it again . . . the unauthorized acquisition of food stamps? (WTF Obie? You might get one pardon in a lifetime and you blew it on food stamps?). (myway).
  
  
• Arrrgh!!! The Somali Pirates continue squatting on their booty of oil, but concerns about the crew prompted Pirate "Daybad" to announce that everyone is fine - except for the guy playing peg boy. And can somebody please get these pirates some real names, like Sinbad or Blackbeard. Daybad is too close to Daybed, or transposed - Badday, which sounds like Bidet (and that's just embarrassing - even for a pirate). (Telegraph).
  

• The insufferable Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag were married in Cabo, and my dog just farted a bubble, and I care more about the bubble coming out of my dog, and not because I love my dog (I do), but because I hope that bubble finds the happy couple, envelops and suffocates them. (Boston Herald).
  

• Barry Bonds had three counts dismissed from his indictment for making false statements under oath, but he still faces another 12. As a baseball fan, I have only two words for Bonds - Fuck and You. I hope you wake up living next to Spencer and Heidi. (NY Times).